If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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