yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
