you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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