I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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