Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize