the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
