Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
