I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
A bitchslap is in order.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
