Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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