he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
