No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
