Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize