I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
