I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
being pregnant is like rehab
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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