Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
