she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
operation have a gay friend backfired
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
