I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
