I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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