So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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