Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
