the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this boner is exhausting
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
