It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
