brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
