Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
