OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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