I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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