my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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