Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the condom got lost in my hair
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
