she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize