it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So vagazzling was a success
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
