this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
