i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
