I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Congratulations! We have a period
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