I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
