I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
