Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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