I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
