i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
