I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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