youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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