ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
