and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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