found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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