I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
