the condom got lost in my hair
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm like, not good at living.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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