This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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