Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
