So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize