i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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