Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
