I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize