Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
