can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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