someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
