I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
