Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
