I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
