Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
