His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want to be your penis for a week.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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