sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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