It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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