Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
