Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
